As most of us know our words have the power to deeply impact others, especially when someone is struggling with their mental health. The way we respond to someone's emotional experiences can either validate their feelings and make them feel supported, or invalidate their feelings and worsen their distress. Invalidating someone’s feelings can make them feel more critical of themselves and put them off opening up again in the future. When someone feels validated on the other hand, they feel understood, accepted, and supported. This can have a huge impact on someone struggling with their mental health - by reducing feelings of isolation and loneliness, increasing self-esteem and self-worth, improving communication and build stronger relationships, and encouraging them to seek professional help.

If you know someone who is struggling and you’re not sure how to respond, here are some examples of “invalidating responses” followed by some more “validating responses” that might help you if you get stuck or feel worried about making someone feel worse.

Invalidating responses 

• Minimising: "It's not that bad" / "it could be worse". These responses dismiss the individual's unique experience and can feel small or insignificant.
• Offering unsolicited advice: "You should just try…" while well-intentioned, offering a simple solution can come across as judgmental and dismissive of the person's feelings and existing coping mechanisms.
• Focusing on the positive: "Look on the bright side" / "at least you have..." These responses can dismiss or make light of the feelings someone is experiencing.
• Blaming: "You're making a big deal out of nothing" or "you’re too over sensitive”. Placing blame on the individual and can increase feelings of shame and guilt.
• Giving empty reassurance: "Everything will be okay." Even while intended to be comforting, statements like this can feel insincere and dismissive of the person's current struggles.

Validating responses

• Active listening: Truly listening without interruption, reflecting back what you hear to ensure understanding.
• Empathy and compassion: Showing understanding and acknowledging their feelings without judgment. For example, "I can only imagine how difficult that must be", or "I can understand why you're feeling this way."
• Show you want to understand: “I want to understand, can you tell me more?”
• Offering support: "I'm here for you if you need to talk" or "let's find some resources to help you cope."
• Allow them time: "If you’re not ready to talk, I can just sit here with you”.

Remember that everyone's experience with any situation in life is unique and by responding more carefully we can help people feel accepted for who they are and how they feel, encouraging them to open up further. If you want to help to support someone more effectively, you could try: becoming more aware of your own responses; paying attention to how you typically react when someone shares their problems; practicing active listening; choosing your words carefully (avoid minimising, blaming, and offering unsolicited advice); and focusing on understanding and supporting them. If you’re not sure how to respond, simply ask what they need in that moment. The most important thing is to approach each situation with empathy and a genuine desire to understand and support the other person.